Honor Roll Students Are Murdered Everyday And I Continue To Grow Older by Maggie Lee and Frank Hinton from Parlor Issue Four
Honor Roll Students Are Murdered Everyday And I Continue To Grow Older
by Maggie Lee and Frank Hinton
i spoke maybe once today
mumbling to myself, saying sorry to someone who noticed
it is exhausting to be without immediate purposes
to decide when to make an empty day finish.
eventually the details of everything become the details of everything
whether or not they are chosen
and my eyes decide to close or they just become tired.
ceiling lights mostly suck
but they are in every apartment.
the things that are given to us
are used less frequently
as we get ourselves new things
no matter how good anything is.
i went halfway around the world to feel better about myself
and ended up in Fukuoka, on a beach where they filmed Godzilla vs. Mecha-Godzilla.
there’s no such thing a ‘clear horizon’ on the pacific
just out to shore is a wall of fog, masking
i watch a fading bird away
salt fish break the glass of the ocean
i’m certain this is the edge of the world.
a refulgent sun dips into froth.
and i’m like ‘that is beautiful’
i am unable to think of anything additionally complex or profound.
instead, i hold the moment like a pageant queen,
unable to sincerely experience the experience.
i will go home and tell all my friends about this shit.
only i will say that the sunset made me feel something.
the people are there for us to tell
and the house is there for us to stay again
and we’re back to it
always unsure of what at all we came for
what at all we go for
i clench my fists at slow walkers
walk around them
and realize i’ve gone the wrong way
the slow walkers pass me
something else could have happened
depending on other things i could have done.
i could have made a point about walking faster.
i could have felt like i made a point about walking faster.
i could still be walking fast
past descending street numbers that should be ascending street numbers.
i’m standing still and time is passing
and i’m looking at my phone to figure it out.
that was the decision made.
i know some stuff
that will some day be cremated
unless i do something with it.
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